“When are you going to have a baby?” I hated this question. This question felt like a punch right to my gut. How do I answer this? I had to lie. Or should I have said I want to have one right now but I just can’t seem to get pregnant. Lol I’m sure their mouths would have dropped or I would have gotten the fake sympathy and apologies for their insensitivity. I can only imagine the women who have suffered a miscarriage. I’m sure it is just as hard for them to answer that same question. Most people really think it is easy for everyone to get pregnant but you can’t blame them for their ignorance. They don’t know what we fail to talk about. Infertility is taboo for some reason when really it shouldn’t be. Everyone’s journey is different and it is their own story made exactly for them. Yes, I had an issue with getting pregnant. Yes, I was only 23 years old at the time. I didn’t know that this could happen to young women until it happened to me. NO. I didn’t tell everyone about my struggle with infertility. I told my mother, my boyfriend of course and a close friend. I made the decision to keep it a secret and face it all alone. It was hard as hell and now that I have chosen to write about it I feel better. It’s like a weight off my shoulders. I really want to help other women so they are not like me, but do better than me. Open up, talk about it let’s stop infertility from being taboo. I want to see more women talking about their own struggles, successes and failures with fertility. Let’s start a community where women do not have to be ashamed of their infertility and we remove the pressure to be perfect.
Why I didn’t open up?
Fear. I was afraid to tell people out of fear of being made fun of or receiving unwanted pity. Fear that my dream of being a mother would never come true. What if I never conceived a child? Would I be ok not experiencing pregnancy in my life? The answer was no. I would die trying to get pregnant lol but seriously I was determined to have a baby. I just couldn’t handle the pressure of everyone watching and rooting me on from the sidelines. I already added pressure onto myself with me getting older and everyone around me having babies. I felt that no one was in my shoes, no one could honestly understand the hurt I felt every time someone made a pregnancy announcement. Or how about every time someone asked me when was I going to have a child. I knew many women who had experienced pregnancies and miscarriages but I never met someone who was infertile. I just didn’t feel my story was common. How could anyone truly relate? I was 23 years old, most of my friends around me were living their best lives. I enjoyed life as well but I felt ready to be a mom. I knew I was infertile so I did not want to make the mistake of waiting until I was too old to find out the reason and then start treatment. So I mustered up enough courage to start my fertility journey at 23 years old.
I went through a lot of different emotions during my journey. One day I would be sad, next day mad and often times jealous. Social media did not help with this emotional roller-coaster it actually fueled it. Never compare yourself to everyone else around you. My boyfriend would always say you don’t see the “bad” parts of being a parent through social media it is not all peaches and cream. Honestly that is the same thing I can say about pregnancy.Women are quick to share that they are pregnant but not so much when they miscarry, have a still birth or they just can’t get pregnant. Trying to get pregnant is not all peaches and crème for some people it’s hard and difficult.The journey of infertility is not for the weak it takes a mentally strong person to be able to persevere and keep going every day.
Won’t he do it?
I was raised in the church my whole life but I didn’t learn the power of prayer until I began my infertility journey. I had to help keep my mind, body and spirit healthy. Yes, that’s important how can I conceive a children such a negative head space. I had to be emotionally and spiritually healed for my fertility journey to be successful. The movie “War room” showed me how to write out my prayers which I used as time to meditate. I found myself praying everyday asking god for help through this difficult time and I spoke everything in to existence. This journey can be mentally draining but I found peace by staying faithful in god and it kept me grounded and sane. Prayer gave me hope that my dream of being a mom would one day manifest.
Please share your methods of stress relief that you found helpful during your infertility journey.